so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I forget how to act sober
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