here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
