I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
