It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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