so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
