Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Even my vagina gasped.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
