I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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