how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
