I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
