i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
