Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
