dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
