Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
