When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
