tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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