I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
