i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
