Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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