just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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