i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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