i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
