I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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