Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
