3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
