I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
