The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
