You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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