Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
