I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
