Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
