have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
