my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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