I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
