I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
