Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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