Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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