My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
