I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
