OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
