You work out of a Hotel?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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