it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
