It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
