): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
