The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
