Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
