24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
