What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
