I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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