my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
