Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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