I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
