I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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