Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
