You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
