i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
